We’re in the home stretch of the Iowa State Fair. From fried food on a stick to the giant surly farmers from the Grant Wood painting, to the big yellow slide, to Jalapeno Pete’s…there’s plenty to see, do, eat and drink. And observe and complain about.
Have you seen the butter cow yet? I’m fascinated and at the same time repelled by the artist’s dedication to the veins on the cow’s udder and face. That is one vein-ey udder. And while you’re in the Ag building, you can get one of the fair’s new food items- caprese salad on a stick. Now, I love me some caprese salad. But do I want it at the fair, on a stick?? Healthy eating for me at the fair is eating a walking pork chop, or a turkey sandwich the size of my head. No thanks to any sort of salad on a stick.
While we’re gawking at stuff, let’s all just admit why we go see the big boar and the big bull. And stop expressing surprise at how big their….ahem, personalities are when you gaze upon their most prized assets. The big bull weighs as much or more than a Buick. Of course his boys are going to be the size and shape of spare tires.
Let’s call double, or even triple wide strollers at the state fair what they are- people catchers. You may as well shout “Get out of my way!” as you hog the sidewalks and aisles at the varied industry building. I understand bringing kids to the fair can be challenging, and strollers are a necessity when your kid’s battery dies and they suddenly can’t walk a step under their own power. But if you’re going to bring a double wide stroller, there had better be two kids in it. Don’t barrel down the sidewalk and ram into ankles with a huge stroller that has a kid on one side, and all of the free crap you’ve collected at the fair on the other side.
And there’s been a big flap about this “People of the Iowa State Fair” Facebook page. Some people think the page is mean-spirited and bullying, while others just see it as a local “People of Wal-Mart” amusement. It doesn’t appear the administrators of the page are going to take it down any time soon, so let’s get some use out of it. When dressing yourself to go to the fair, check that page first. If the ensemble you’ve put on in any way resembles a picture on ”People of the Iowa State Fair’…then take it off. If you think wearing fishnet tights, too tight tube tops, t-shirts that don’t cover your giant man belly, and pants that expose more crack than a drug sting won’t attract attention and possibly get you photographed…well, that’s just not true. You own mirrors. Use them!
There’s four days left. Wear non-descript clothes that fit your body, keep the strollers to one seat per kid, and eat salad on a stick while gazing at the veiny butter cow. Happy fair!!