I have a love-hate relationship with the Chicago Cubs. Here’s how it works- I love the Cubs and they hate me back by being terrible. I’ve spent most of this love affair feeling like my man is treating me wrong but I keep buying his lies and take him back. “C’mon baby, we’re sorry we sucked last year but Look! We hired Theo Epstein. Please take us back”. And I always do.
What team blames a goat and a socially-challenged virgin named Steve Bartman for their lousy fortunes? The Cubs. While their ineptness has caused heartburn and heartache, I have to admit it’s also the source of some great jokes.
What did Jesus say to the Cubs the last time he was on earth? Don’t do nothin’ until I get back” ( I have that on a t-shirt. Seriously)
What do the Minnesota Twins and Chicago Cubs have in common? Neither team has won a World Series in their new ballpark.
Or as Joe Garagiola once said- “One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you buy your ticket, you can bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth”
I thought 2008 was the year the Cubs would win it all. I went to 10 games that summer and got tickets to the first round of the playoffs against the Dodgers. I took former sportscaster and fellow die-hard Cubs fan Shawn Terrell with me, and on the way TO the games he thought I was the best friend ever. The Cubs lost two straight and it was awful. On the way back Shawn acted like a guy who’d been kidnapped, tortured, and woke up in a hotel room in a tub of ice with a kidney missing. I know how he felt. The Cubs had ripped my heart of my chest…AGAIN.
I would open a goat rescue farm and blow up every ball Steve Bartman has ever touched (and I do mean ALL) if I thought it would Reverse this Curse. As they celebrate a century of futility at Wrigley Field I think The Heckler said it best: 100 years at Wrigley: 3 or 4 of them good ones. Although I’m hard-pressed to think of 4. Just once in my lifetime, Cubs. Please. That’s another saying available on t-shirts the Cubs are probably making money on. Damn you Chicago Cubs, DAMN YOU! Release me from this vise-like grip!