Ahhh…we’ve gotten a taste of sweet spring. The air is warmer, the sun seems brighter, the birds chirp louder….and is that a guy wearing a kilt and flashing a woman holding a beer at 9 in the morning?? Yes, here in the DSM one of the rites of spring is celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, where the beer is green, spirits are high (and in a shot glass), and no one cares if you’re actually Irish. Just Iowa-ish, as your Raygun t-shirt would say.
For one day everyone is Irish, united in our desire to eat corn beef and cabbage with a Guinness chaser for breakfast, celebrate at the city’s biggest, longest and possibly most inebriated parade at noon, and drink green beer until the sun goes down.
The way we celebrate can be summed up in a few ECards:
This is the one holiday where our full-blown alcoholism could possibly go undetected
Remember not to ruin your St. Patrick’s Day by reading or watching anything to related to the history of Ireland
May Siri be able to decipher your slurred requests for bar locations
AND…I wish drinking green beer wasn’t the closest you’ll come this year to eating a vegetable
But it’s all fun and games…until the party is over. The horror of a dutch oven caused by corn beef and cabbage farts is beyond description. Drinking enough green beer that your tongue and lips have a sickly tinge to them is a sure tip off you have a little too much Irish spirit. Needing to consult your 12 wristbands and hand stamps to put the day back together isn’t a good sign either. And having to call in “sick” on Tuesday means you’ve gone too far. Let’s all unite to celebrate St. Patty’ Day in a reasonable, adult fashion….until 2017, when it’s on a Friday again. Then it’s game ON!! Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone!