Heather is both for and against legalizing fireworks in this week’s Hit List!
Fireworks should NOT be legalized. I mean, if everyone in my neighborhood is going to shoot off M80’s in the middle of the night and litter my yard with spent pop bottle rockets, I want them to at least have to drive to the Missouri border for the ability to do it. And speaking of those fireworks stands right across the state line: they seem to be the main reason people drive to Missouri. That and cheaper cigarettes. Isn’t Missouri the “Show Me State”? As in show me the way to the awesome fireworks and cheap smokes. Missouri’s economy might crash if Iowans stop making a run for the border.
In addition to my concern about Missouri’s economy, one of the more terrifying experiences in my teen years happened in high school when I got into a deep-woods shootout with pop bottle rockets. Since I value all my fingers and have never been a violent person, I was the one running for her life while dodging erratic fireworks. Yes, one hit me. Yes, I have the scar to prove it. No, I can’t show it to you.
And I’ve never gotten the point of do-it-yourself fireworks to begin with. The I-Cubs have fireworks every Friday home game and the Iowa State Fair has a great show every single night! Not to mention the great city displays on the actual holiday. So in conclusion, don’t legalize fireworks! Arnie from Arnie’s Fireworks World in Nowhere, Missouri is counting on us!
Fireworks should be legalized in Iowa. I mean, if everyone in my neighborhood is going to shoot off M80’s in the middle of the night and litter my yard with spent pop bottle rockets, I want them to spend their money in the state I live in instead of driving to a stand in Missouri. Show me the tax money! And speaking of those fireworks stands: If Iowa legalizes fireworks we’ll have a little more money to improve our highways leading to the Missouri border and a bunch of closed fireworks emporiums. It’s not that I don’t care about the state economy of Missouri, I just care about Iowa’s more.
The Iowa legislature was considering lifting the ban on fireworks this past session, but the bill was pushed aside for more pressing issues. It appears the law making fireworks illegal seems to be centered on saving people from being injured or killed by their own stupidity, so I can see why lawmakers didn’t want to address it. And if we’re going to outlaw potentially dangerous things then a LOT of other stuff would be illegal too.
And lastly, real and exciting fireworks are banned but sparklers and snakes aren’t. If used properly, snakes are the most boring firework ever created but they’re still dangerous. They burn at like a million degrees and I distinctly recall getting my butt chewed by my dad because I lit some in the driveway and they left a mark. Dangerous to the rear end, I tell you. And a buddy of mine still has scars from a sparkler incident because he thought it would be a great idea to light about 50 of them at once. See, never get in the way of stupid when someone really wants to hurt themselves. Make fireworks legal! Keep the money in the Hawkeye State! Or the One Eye State. Gotta be careful with those fireworks.