Maxwell, Pam & Heather

Heather’s Hit List- Do I like soccer?
Heather’s Hit List- Do I like soccer?

I don’t get soccer. Soccer wasn’t a sport anyone I knew talked about or played in high school, and I don’t have any kids and therefore have never sat at a soccer tournament all day. I’ve met plenty of parents who do, and I see them at the bar trying to get a few drinks under their belts before going back to the game. Many claim they can’t get through a tournament without a thermos of bloody marys. And I can appreciate the athletic ability needed to play soccer, but as a newbie trying to watch it and understand anything I’m seeing….it’s a process, and not one I’m sure I want to keeping trying.

For instance- the continuous clock. Football, baseball, even NASCAR are constantly interrupted by commercials. It’s nice that soccer’s never interrupted by the Geico geckco, but at least I understand that 15 minutes can save me 15 percent or more on car insurance. I’m befuddled by watching the clock tick up to the 90 minute mark, only to have extra time put on the clock for mysterious “injury time”. If the clock needs to stop a few times so some poor guy who rolled his ankle can hobble off the field, stop it then! Why have the referees keep count, then put it back at the end? We heard yesterday that while 5 minutes was put on the clock, someone with way too much time on their hands determined only 4 and a half minutes was spent on injures. Since Portugal tied the match/game ?? in the last 30 seconds, that’s a tough way to lose.

I’ve tried to think of ways they could make soccer more interesting to me. Making the field smaller seems to be a logical first step. I mean, I’ve seen golf courses that are smaller than a soccer field. That’s a lot of running for 4 goals total. Or maybe have shirtless players. Much like I lament that Tom Brady has to wear a helmet, and thus cover one of his best assets, soccer players are ripped. Take off those shirts so I can see your six pack! That might mean I don’t need a six pack to get through a soccer game. I know I talk a lot about Speedos and how no man should wear them, but I may be reconsidering after seeing Christiano Ronaldo. Hubba hubba.

What’s my point here? I have enough pride in my country that I want Team USA to win, and it’s fun to watch the game when it’s a big party and everyone’s got their red, white and blue on. USA! USA! But I’ll just have fun, pretend to know what I’m watching, and as soon as Team USA ends their World Cup run I’ll put away my American flags and go back to watching sports I do understand. Although someone still needs to explain the infield fly rule to me.

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About Maxwell Maxwell is celebrating 34 years in radio with more than 25 years "On-The-Air" in Des Moines! His familiar voice & face grace local, regional and national radio and TV advertising, and his passion for theater has been displayed as both actor and director at Stagewest Theater Company and the Playhouse in Des Moines, where he was honored with a 2012 Playhouse "Legend" Award. He is an avid hockey fan, manning the microphone for 18 seasons as P.A. announcer for the Des Moines Buccaneers. Email Maxwell

About Pam Pam Dixon has been a familiar voice to central Iowans for over 30 years. A Beaverdale native & Hoover High graduate, Pam has to pinch herself that she’s working for the radio station she grew up listening to in Des Moines! Pam was formerly heard on KRNQ (Q-102) and KLYF in the 80’s and 90’s before being lured back to the biz by KIOA! As a breast cancer survivor, Pam is active with the Susan G. Komen Iowa Foundation and Bras for the Cause. Email Pam

About Heather Heather Burnside's quest to be on every radio & TV station in Des Moines has (hopefully!) come to an end with her latest stop at KIOA. Heather started at WHO-TV as a sportscaster, moved on to ESPN as an associate producer, and got into radio when she moved back to Iowa after two years of stalking celebrities and athletes on the East Coast. She doesn't want to talk about how she’s old enough to have a 20 year broadcasting career, instead preferring to believe she’s managed to cram all of that excitement & a 13 year radio career into one decade. Heather is very glad Pam is back, she’s like the big sister she never had. After discovering Max is a nice guy who can cook, sing, play guitar, & hit a golf ball a mile, she figures it’ll take that long to find something he isn't good at. Email Heather