I don’t get soccer. Soccer wasn’t a sport anyone I knew talked about or played in high school, and I don’t have any kids and therefore have never sat at a soccer tournament all day. I’ve met plenty of parents who do, and I see them at the bar trying to get a few drinks under their belts before going back to the game. Many claim they can’t get through a tournament without a thermos of bloody marys. And I can appreciate the athletic ability needed to play soccer, but as a newbie trying to watch it and understand anything I’m seeing….it’s a process, and not one I’m sure I want to keeping trying.
For instance- the continuous clock. Football, baseball, even NASCAR are constantly interrupted by commercials. It’s nice that soccer’s never interrupted by the Geico geckco, but at least I understand that 15 minutes can save me 15 percent or more on car insurance. I’m befuddled by watching the clock tick up to the 90 minute mark, only to have extra time put on the clock for mysterious “injury time”. If the clock needs to stop a few times so some poor guy who rolled his ankle can hobble off the field, stop it then! Why have the referees keep count, then put it back at the end? We heard yesterday that while 5 minutes was put on the clock, someone with way too much time on their hands determined only 4 and a half minutes was spent on injures. Since Portugal tied the match/game ?? in the last 30 seconds, that’s a tough way to lose.
I’ve tried to think of ways they could make soccer more interesting to me. Making the field smaller seems to be a logical first step. I mean, I’ve seen golf courses that are smaller than a soccer field. That’s a lot of running for 4 goals total. Or maybe have shirtless players. Much like I lament that Tom Brady has to wear a helmet, and thus cover one of his best assets, soccer players are ripped. Take off those shirts so I can see your six pack! That might mean I don’t need a six pack to get through a soccer game. I know I talk a lot about Speedos and how no man should wear them, but I may be reconsidering after seeing Christiano Ronaldo. Hubba hubba.
What’s my point here? I have enough pride in my country that I want Team USA to win, and it’s fun to watch the game when it’s a big party and everyone’s got their red, white and blue on. USA! USA! But I’ll just have fun, pretend to know what I’m watching, and as soon as Team USA ends their World Cup run I’ll put away my American flags and go back to watching sports I do understand. Although someone still needs to explain the infield fly rule to me.