Maxwell, Pam & Heather

Heather’s Hit List- Bumper Stickers

I was thinking about this as I stared at the back of a car sitting at a particularly long stop light yesterday. I don’t need to know everything about you just from looking at the back window and bumper of your vehicle.

Judging from your stick family, you’re married with three kids and a dog. Or recently divorced- sorry there’s still sticky stuff on the window where your spouse was peeled off. Your bumper sticker says “My son is an honor student”, but the other two stick daughters in your stick family must not be faring as well. That’s too bad. I know how they feel, I was one of those stick daughters.

I’m sorry the election didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Maybe it’s time to remove the (insert your losing candidate here’s) sticker.

You’re a NASCAR fan but hate Kyle Busch. At least, that’s what the Calvin and Hobbs cartoon peeing on his number is telling me.

Hey, driver in front of me, you might be a tiny bit racist. Or sexist. If you don’t want me to know this, lose the “Caution, Asian Driver” and “Female driver, keep 200 feet back” bumper stickers.

And I don’t need to be lectured while looking at the back of your car. Yes, I’m aware that cell phones are bad while driving, so is drinking and driving, and speeding, and I’m honking for Jesus, and gee, tell me how you feel about guns….did you really spend 4-5 bucks to tell me all this, or are these bumper stickers just holding your car together? It looks like rust holding hands.

If you really want me to read the back of your car, how about providing an honest assessment about how you drive? Like “Prone to sudden braking for no reason”, or “will drive at inconsistent and slow speeds until you try to pass, then will speed up and tailgate you for miles afterwards”.

In conclusion, I agree with honesty in car adornments. Like the bumper sticker I saw yesterday that said “Watch out for the idiot behind me”. HA HA HA…..hey, wait a minute….


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About Maxwell Maxwell is celebrating 34 years in radio with more than 25 years "On-The-Air" in Des Moines! His familiar voice & face grace local, regional and national radio and TV advertising, and his passion for theater has been displayed as both actor and director at Stagewest Theater Company and the Playhouse in Des Moines, where he was honored with a 2012 Playhouse "Legend" Award. He is an avid hockey fan, manning the microphone for 18 seasons as P.A. announcer for the Des Moines Buccaneers. Email Maxwell

About Pam Pam Dixon has been a familiar voice to central Iowans for over 30 years. A Beaverdale native & Hoover High graduate, Pam has to pinch herself that she’s working for the radio station she grew up listening to in Des Moines! Pam was formerly heard on KRNQ (Q-102) and KLYF in the 80’s and 90’s before being lured back to the biz by KIOA! As a breast cancer survivor, Pam is active with the Susan G. Komen Iowa Foundation and Bras for the Cause. Email Pam

About Heather Heather Burnside's quest to be on every radio & TV station in Des Moines has (hopefully!) come to an end with her latest stop at KIOA. Heather started at WHO-TV as a sportscaster, moved on to ESPN as an associate producer, and got into radio when she moved back to Iowa after two years of stalking celebrities and athletes on the East Coast. She doesn't want to talk about how she’s old enough to have a 20 year broadcasting career, instead preferring to believe she’s managed to cram all of that excitement & a 13 year radio career into one decade. Heather is very glad Pam is back, she’s like the big sister she never had. After discovering Max is a nice guy who can cook, sing, play guitar, & hit a golf ball a mile, she figures it’ll take that long to find something he isn't good at. Email Heather